45 days to go

I am sure that I will finish the walk

Probably very gimpy
Partially due to the fact that I am not 30 (okay, even 55) any more
Partially because I have very little time to train
I expect blisters and a sore hip
Nothing that soft socks and a handful or two of Tylenol can’t cure

But it is really not about the walking

It is the head
It is the heart

It is all the memories
The good and the bad
The terribly funny and the just plain terrible

Life with Richard was good for a long time
Then it was bad
Then it was over

I could have made a career out of “if only” and “what if”
But it would not have changed the outcome
When he died our lives turned upside down
Everything was forever going to be different

I have spent more time thinking and talking about our life together in the last month than I have in the previous 12 years
It is very strange for me to spend so much time focusing on something that has a outcome I could not change
To share with friends and strangers alike a part of my life that I still don’t have closure for
Richard used to say that I could compartmentalize better than any person he knew
I do not believe that he meant that as a good thing
But he was oh-so-right

So little by little I share more
I smile more I laugh more
In memory of Richard
Who could make a room brighter just by being in it